I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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