good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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