im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
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