we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
