you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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