Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
