the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
