haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
