You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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