omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
and you said cock pushups were impossible
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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