My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
