the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
