Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
