He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
