My friends, they love my intelligence
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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