During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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