WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Randomize
