Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
