Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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