a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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