when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
