we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
