I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
