If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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