I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I did not marry a roomba.
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