I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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