Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
