I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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