Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
stop calling my apartment porn island.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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