Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
