I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
