"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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