you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
