She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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