she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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