He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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