Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
