You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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