I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
sarcasm needs its own font
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Less talking, more tequila
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
