If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Randomize
