So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
