dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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