I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
