I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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