Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
