So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
