that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
