If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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