Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
