Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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