the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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