He kissed a someone with a penis
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
