I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
