so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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