Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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