Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
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