brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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