yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
