all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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