Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize