I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
