so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
