I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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