i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
