Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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