isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
