i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
