Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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