i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
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