Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
