just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
