Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
