did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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