That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
