you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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