You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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