I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
